Random Ramblings - A New Start

Alrighty... here we are at the {almost} start of a new year, after by far the hardest year of my life.  And last year didn't end how I was hoping it might, and this year won't be how I was hoping it will be either... but through all the turmoil and heartbreak, I've discovered that 2014 will be an even better year {although hard}, because I am making the steps towards finding myself again, towards finding freedom, towards starting a new life.

Plain and simple... on the 15th December I ended my marriage after having been together for over 20 years.  Why?  Lots of reasons... but the main one is trust being broken in many ways, and it's irreparable.  I won't go into all the nitty gritty, but after so many things that I chose to not see, there was a last straw and I had to face how bad the last few years of our lives together really were.  Those close to me, and those I respect know what happened and they have been such tremendous support.

What has come about through all this is me realising how strong the amazing friendships I have around me are, each one supporting me through the roller coaster of emotions I've had.  When I had the courage to tell the treasures in my life what had been going on, each was understanding and so beautifully supportive, even when I did a complete change of mind overnight with my emotions.  The saying "hard times will always reveal true friends" is so very very true, those friends have most certainly revealed themselves, and I'm soooo grateful to them.  I realise now, that being with him I've likely lost many friendships in the past, and I'm so sorry to those who had to leave, but I can see now and understand... I know some of you must have tried and tried and I thank you for that.

The huge joy that came from this heartbreak is my family... I love them so very very much.  My parents, my beautiful sister and her ferals {yes, I'm allowed to call them that, because I love them}.  I can't believe how hard it must have been for them sit by and watch the reality of my life while I was totally unaware {aka foolishly blinded, in denial... all that stupid stuff}, yet they stayed with me through everything, and then took that risk of possibly losing me forever by helping me see the truth, an intervention per se.   One thing in this life I will always trust, without doubts is my family.

So anyways... next will be months of hard work to get the house into the best condition I can afford on my stretched budget before selling it and starting again, but I'm looking forward to that.  It will be hard to sell the home I was hoping to leave to my son, but he and I both need a fresh start {by the way, Kel has been amazing - this kid truly is one fantastic person}.  Once the divorce is through, I'll look for the perfect home to buy for Kel and I... so please pray for me that I can borrow enough on one wage.

But one step at a time... and each step I will be stronger and happier than I have been for a very long time.  This time... I'm wishing MYSELF sunshine and happiness!

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