Ok so... I've not had a chatter with you all lately, it could be that nothing random has happened lately? But that's not so true - there's always something happening! I think I've just been busy... between finishing up with a couple of DT's, helping with some blog work, working full time, hurting my back {sigh}, trying to play, having guests, seeing my sis and in between all that doing absolutely nothing at all {sleep} I've been a busy girl! Oh my, yeah I have been busy... take a breath Missy.
Reducing my DT commitments was supposed to ease up the pressure on my life... it didn't work yet, but then it has been filled up with the things I was hoping it would be - living! Another reason is I've been struggling to put on my 'happy journal face' - that's the face you put on to journal {or ramble as the case is here} when you want to document your life, but at the time life is in fact pretty shitty. Right now, there's a whole pile of crap happening... but I am fighting daily to not let it take me over completely. And, putting on that 'happy journal face' does help, it really does. It shows yourself that there are wonderful, beautiful things happening - no matter who is trying to bring you down. It helps you remain
grateful for things that are right, and there's lots of those little things if you look for them.
Okay, so lets talk about some of the big things:
Finishing up DT's:
Yep, I never thought I'd need or have to do it but I stepped down from Green Tara and Dusty Attic in September, and have just published my final posts for Green Tara last week. It was difficult to make the choice, it was so hard to let them go... being a
part of both The Dusty Attic and Green Tara meant the world to me and I was so proud and grateful to be a part of both teams. You know how you think you'll have that big sigh of relief when you're no longer worrying about letting people down {because I have been running around chasing my tail since March}... well that didn't happen, instead the sense of loss was a huge shock to me, I wasn't quite prepared for it. Or the feeling of "OMG what have I done" when you meet people you've inspired from your work through these companies and they thank you and compliment you, and I've let them go, by choice... am I crazy?! You have feelings of "will I lose my identity as a scrapper", "will what I do matter anymore" and other just as silly feelings. You have to focus back on why you did it... to try and keep your head above water, concentrate on your family who need you, relax a bit and have some fun. I am still with Donna Salazar and still do work for Australian Scrapbook Ideas, and will be back teaching at Tomorrow's... but the workload has reduced enough now for me to not have to scrap every weekend, allowing time for it to become a hobby again instead of a job and allowing me to spend that precious extra time with my family, because they are what matter most.
Work:
Well work is work... but I'm lucky I have a great job though, with a great company. I've been there for 26 years all up now, that's quite a while! But work is good and most days I enjoy it - I am enjoying being upstairs on my own little quiet office, sometimes it's a little too quiet though LOL.
My Back:
Yeah... that wasn't fun. I did a whole pile of spring cleaning and pinched my Sciatic a few weeks ago. Ended up with a week off work and was bored senseless. There's nothing worse than being at home and not being able to do a thing, and I was too medicated to do anything but sleep. The frustrating thing with sciatic is it's best to not always lie down - so I had to continually change positions, but then I kept falling asleep from the meds, couldn't win LOL. Because of it I also missed going to a retreat I was looking forward to. I tried so hard to get there... I had the car packed {took me 2 hours to pack it}, I got in, drove to the highway and had to turn around and come home. Sad case! But it's much better now, can even wear my heels to work again, so I'm
thankful all that is mended!
Play Time:
This was a struggle the last few months. I think I was simply overwhelmed with everything, re-adjusting to not being under so much pressure, or adjusting to pressures from other avenues perhaps. But this last weekend I've had a ball, got my groove back and just played. I caught up with a few of the girls at Tomorrow's on Sunday, I just took my DSD papers and dies and cut out Bitty Blossoms and Rose Creations petals, and chattered and relaxed... and it was wonderful. I'm feeling rejuvenated. Perhaps because we had a snippet of good news last week, perhaps just because it was time to stop hiding away and feeling sorry for myself... who knows, so long as I'm feeling less stressed, that's all that matters right?!
I have been having fun though with my Project Life pages. They've evolved into simple clean pages - I'm still surprised they haven't ended up packed full of bits and layers! It's also morphing into more of a personal journal for me, which I'm pretty fine with for now. As a family we are quiet - we don't go out much, and when others come over, we spend time enjoying them, not taking photos. I'm the most social in the family, I'm the one who takes the photos and I'm the one who tells the story, so I guess it's natural for my Project Life to come more from my perspectives. This year is still practice for me, to see what works and what approach I want to start the new year with. I'm thinking I'll also create a
Gratitude album as well... I have the cute "Just Add Colour" Kit that was designed for Instagram Prints, so I think that will be a side project for me - Project
Gratitude?! Just something to help us cultivate a better life for us next year, once we are through the dramas that this year came with.
The Home Front:
We've had some guests again... we had our god-daughter visit, she's family - but she's still a guest. Even though we only had her with us a few days, it was just so wonderful to see her and spend some one on one girl time with her. In-between my sister has popped in to see us, as well as mum and dad, again, family, but guests enough for us! We love having people we love come to visit, always have. Our house is definitely not a show home; it's a well used, very lived in home, but it scrubs up ok when we put the effort in and our doors are always open to our friends and loved ones. Shamefully it was neglected somewhat the last year and a half. I know having someone live with us who didn't lift a finger to help contributed towards that, but I also have to take into account my general exhaustion, a touch of melancholy, Darren's depression growing worse... so many factors, and now trying to get it back to perfect is really hard. But it's starting to shine again now, just bit by bit - one day each weekend I go into "ninja tidy up an area mode" and it's happening. It'll get there again, de-cluttering will help that. We really have so much 'stuff' and that doesn't help things either LOL. There's a bulk refuse collection at the end of the year, we'll take advantage of that for sure this time - if it has no purpose it needs to go bye-byes! That's going to get hard when it comes to sentimental things, both my hubby and I are shockers for sentiment {you know, like the scary Egyptian style cat statue that you'd never buy now, but because you bought it at a swap meet when you first met it's sentimental and can't be parted with}. I think we'll need to form a plan of attack. Perhaps it needs to tick at least 2 out of 3 'reasons' to stay... hmmm, any suggestions?
And that's about it, up to date with the happenings in my little world...
When I started writing this one, I had no direction to what it was all
about, but a common element came to the forefront -
gratitude...
And so, right now I am feeling a bit happier, feeling much
gratitude for the wonderful opportunities I've had in my creative life, feeling tremendously
grateful for the beautiful souls I have in my life that care about me and mine {and those special few who are helping me learn to trust again}... and feeling a little bit
blessed, even amongst the chaos that surrounds me.
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